When a fresh student enters college or university, he doesn’t know how to behave, he doesn’t know the rules, basically he doesn’t know how anything works there at all. Principles of school are often not relevant, so he needs to learn everything from the beginning.
The student gathers data from professors and elder students and takes it as a starting point. The information may be wrong, but the student probably won’t even analyze it and accept it as truth.
The point of this is that you see the world as you have been taught to, and the knowledge given to you by your parents or friends or teachers will affect your way of thinking greatly.
This way matrimony of your parents influences the way you perceive relationship between men and women. If there was such thing as dominance in your family, be it from father or mother, a person will most likely seek such a partner that would be either dominant or submissive depending on the circumstances of one’s family life.
Without a doubt there are families in which parents peaceably and happily live and carry about one another and their children, but that’s not our topic. Our topic is about men and women from families where there are stereotypes about relationships. And those families are a majority, unfortunately. If there weren’t any stereotypes in your family, this article might not be about you.
For a man the first experience with a woman is his relationship with his mother. It is mostly stated that a man looks for a woman who resembles his mother. Not because of the look, habits or nature, but because of the feeling of being protected and cared about. A man looks for an improved version of his mother, who will groom, cherish and protect him.
This situation can be smoothed by the example of man’s relatives, who were able to establish a real adult relationship. This way a man could earn basic experience and learn to perceive a woman not only as an image of his mother. Unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.
In the end the relationship of such a man with a woman is developing on one common pattern, featuring his subordination to his woman, dependence on her and the fear of her dissatisfaction. Later, when the relationship is stable, another characteristic problem pops out. It is loss or significant reduction of sexual interest from a man to his girlfriend.
Not knowing other ways of behaving with women, man unknowingly builds relationship where he imposes maternal function on his girlfriend. To provide a sense of peace and security a woman has no other choice other than to be in position of seniority.
A man gets what he wanted. A woman takes the senior role and takes over with further guiding. For her all this is happening unconsciously. At first, she likes the fact that man easily fulfills her desires, and it may even seem that relations are developing well.
But later on the woman begins to notice that the role of the mother, which she now is playing, deprives her of the possibility of being a woman and requires considerable responsibility from her. Sooner or later, the man realizes that he lost his freedom, and, instead of love towards his girlfriend, he is now experiencing fear and discontent.
After that relationship simply crumbles to the ground. Both the man and the woman can’t understand what happened. And since they do not realize what is happening with them, they simply think that they had chosen the wrong person. By just saying goodbye, they both make sure that the exact same story occurs again.
Most of men to the very old age continue their search for a woman – loving mother. The lack of independence of the man is the reason of this. Instead of learning dealing with their mental burden themselves, they look for a woman whom they could hang it on. Even if a man is a director of bank or a commander of an army, at home he will still look for peace in the arms of his woman or so called mother.
Such men will only fall in love when they see women showing their willingness to take a role of a mother. But such a relationship has no future and will at least just collapse.
By letting these matters take their course, the man inevitably dooms his relationship with women towards failure. Man refuses to grow up and is continuing to look for a delicate, understanding mother in every woman, which in the end will deprive himself of the most valuable thing – his freedom.
Unlike a man, a woman isn’t that affected by her father. Other women’s ideology matters much more for her.
Nowadays a typical woman considers that men must concern about her. This incomprehensible principle is imprinted into our society’s genome. Women are sure, that every man has duties concerning them. That obligations come without compensation: man just has to be cavalier because he is a man.
Such women practice any means for the execution of their desires. It is very convenient for them to act as weaker sex for their men to solve their every problem. A woman wants her man to do what she wants and to take all the responsibility for that.
She craves to possess her man entirely, single-handedly for an eternity. Such an absurd approach has become a standard rule in our society. Leaf couple of pages of magazines for women or watch some TV shows: it is considered that men have to give women goods for nothing. Not even for sex, which would be a little bit rightly. Men just have to be cavaliers.
And this is the way girls are educated. If these ravings don’t meet any denial in the family, girl has no other choice other than to submit that way of thinking. Her first admirer will be presented with a long list of responsibilities he has to take just to be close to her. On the other hand, men themselves are just taught to “serve” women.
If a man doesn’t surrender, a woman resents, complains to her relatives and does basically anything to “fix” her man. She does that without any arriere-pensee as she believes that men’s disobedience is just an anomaly than needs to be corrected.
As a result, men seeking for a mother like woman gives authority to her, and the woman gladly takes it and starts to realize her fantasies about domesticity.
Relationship is one of the most important aspects of our life. It is notably versatile part, but some people don’t even think that it is such a thing they have to learn. You may suppose that trial and error would teach people the right thing, but that’s not how learning always happens.
Most of the time people think, that it was not them who had been wrong, and hope that the next person they’ll have a relationship with will be a better match. Instead of realizing their own mistakes, they just continue their loop of errors. Everyone wants the miracle to come to them without any effort.
Women mostly don’t even understand men and don’t realize what they want, but they want men to understand them and do what they want. They don’t even perceive such qualities in themselves that would establish men’s desire to dedicate their lives to their women. But they keep on demanding compliance and understanding.
Men don’t understand women as well. If a man is being “manipulated” by a woman and fulfills her every wish without understanding, he’ll just make his woman unhappy. By searching for a caring mother in a woman, they keep being infantile. And because of these he can’t even properly take responsibilities.
No women will accept the fact of themselves being a mother to a grown up men, and no men will accept his loss of freedom in exchange for a mother’s consolation. They can only take refuge in self-deception by convincing themselves and each other that such relation is what the true love is, and having that security and mutual comfort is more important than happiness. And this self-delusion is permeated in most modern families.
A woman can be a lifetime companion, a friend and an inspirer for her man if she develops the right way. She has to be able to control her pride to aid her man to become an adult, so he can be truly a chief in a relationship. It is better for her to see her man as a person to spend her life with and not as a finance source.
In his turn a man has to stop searching for a caring woman-mother and start searching for a woman who is a reflection of himself. He has to become mature and start taking responsibility.
If a man is given freedom and rights for self-determination, he will give his woman everything because of his gratitude and respect. If a woman stops her attempts to tame her men, she will get such a relationship she could have never dreamed of.
Relationships between a man and a woman are complicated and are not fun. It would be inappropriate to start a relationship just to have a good time, it’ll go nowhere and may even end with misfortune and depressions. Relationship is a hard work both from men and women, but to be able to perform it they have to realize what they are doing. Eventually, mature relationship between a man and a woman will give opportunities for having such fun time that couldn’t have been even imagined of.